The New Me!

I'm not really new just feeling better than I had a month ago. I went to the doctors about two weeks ago and actually learned some interesting things about my old meds. So I am totally glad I went. I've been on this new med for a couple weeks and although I don't feel like "myself" (I'm not even sure that I know who that is anymore) I am feeling a lot better. I have more energy than I have had in the past okay maybe year... I don't want to sleep the day away or ignore people. There are some annoying things about it like gaining weight (so I am really interested in why anti depression meds make you gain weight.... You would think that they would try to put something in them so you wouldn't gain weight... I mean that makes me more depressed than ever... just my few cents! )... But honestly I haven't had those depressed feelings of not wanting to do anything or go anywhere or talk to anyone.

I am hoping that this is all temperory and that some how I will find the old me again but until then I am going to try and enjoy the me now... You know the new me!

5 years!

Five years ago I never thought I would be where I am today. I never thought that I would have 3 kids and 4 dogs, filled for bankruptcy, lost a house, but most of all I never ever thought that I would really know what "love" was.

You fall in love and think this is GREAT, I love this person... they give me butterflies every time I see them or every time they touch me.  Then you get married and you feel like everything will be great because you can't imagine life without him. But the thing that I realized is all those feelings before we were married are nothing compared to what I feel now... but in a totally different way. (I mean I still find my husband completely sexy and I still get those butterflies every time he looks at me.) I have found that there is a lot more to love than just those "feelings".

I love Chris way beyond those feelings. I love the way he sleeps, the way he handles the kids, the way he takes care of us as the provider, the way he occasionally sings "made" up songs, the way he never apologizes when he passes gas, the way he always can make me smile (even when I don't want too), the way he gets aggravated by the little things, the way he cooks (he is a GREAT cook), the way he likes just the little things in life, the way that we are always thinking the same things..... I could go on and on.... but what I am saying is Love isn't just about those feelings. They are everything about a person that you accept or don't accept.

I could never imagine my life without Chris. He is my best friend and my love. He loves me despite my annoying behaviors, or sometimes my stubbornness, or my laziness.... :) I love that I found the man that I am going to spend the rest of my life with.

Chris,
We might not have the ideal life (you know the one we always dream of) but I would never change what we have for what we want. Our life is perfect to me right now. And even more so that I married you five years ago. I love you more today than five years ago. Thank you for being the perfect man for our family...
I love you!!!
MUWA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good bye week

This has been the longest week ever- (okay maybe not really the longest). Last Sunday like a week ago Kloe woke us up in the middle of the night because her ear was hurting. I knew (as probably all moms know) she has an ear infection. and since with our insurance we have to either go to our primary care doctor or the E.R. (and spend $150) I knew I was going to be taking her on Monday. I love love love our pediatrician. she has been with us since Caidan was about 8 months and I just think she is terrific and my kids really like her too. But Kloe, Kynlee and I were in and out of the doctors office in 15 minutes. And i was correct she had an ear infection. Poor thing.... got her antibiotics and I thought we were going to have a GREAT week. Ughhhh how I didn't know what was coming.

(this was Kynlee Wednesday night.... poor baby)

Kloe and Kynlee started coughing Tuesday. It wasn't a "horrible" cough but it didn't sound like a cough that had just started either. It was pretty nasty. Tuesday they both seemed alright other than the cough... But then here came Wednesday... Kloe spikes a fever. Kynlee was a little off. Not wanting to eat a lot.... (which is pretty unusual for her... she likes her food) and just not really wanting to sleep much other than like 20 minute cat naps. (and there isn't a lot you can do in 20 minutes.) And here comes Thursday... I knew this was going to be a rough day because 1. Chris had to work. 2. Kloe was supposed to go to school but because she was sick she didn't (and I hadn't told her.... my policy they don't ask I don't tell:)) 3. It SNOWED! I mean it snowed. The day before I was wearing flip flops it was 50/60 degrees.... B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L. I hate HATE H.A.T.E snow. Like I really think the devil makes the snow. And we got like 4-5 inches in a day. And I was STUCK!

(this is 2 hours of snow.... it did not look like this when I got up that morning!)

I can't stand being at home... i love my home... but I just like to be busy... (because if I am "busy" I can avoid all the things that I actually  need to get done in the house.) But sometimes I just need a scenery change. Or get my kids out so they don't drive me crazy (or any more crazy). Or sometime I know if Kynlee is having a bad day I can put her in the car and she will sleep. But this day there was nothing... nada... zilch! I didn't even step out of the house for anything.... it was weird... it felt like a really really really really really long night. I am pretty sure that if my kids weren't sick I would have gotten out of the house. I really don't care what the "weather" is like. And driving in the snow doesn't bother me at all.


Then Friday came and Kynlee spiked a fever. I called the doctors office. And the nurse just said to keep them hydrated and drugged up (haha not really but that would be great wouldn't it!) she just said I can give them Motrin. But I always rotate Motrin and Tylenol when they have high fevers. Kynlee slept okay for most of the day. A little off more than usual but nothing out of the norm for her being sick. Then bed time came and it just wasn't happening. Kynlee wanted nothing to do with her bed or anything. I tried sleeping out on the chair with her... but she loves to sleep on her stomach so she tries to twist and turn and twist and turn. I've tried my hardest to not let her sleep in the same bed as me but I had a feeling I wasn't getting around it tonight. I had tried twice to lay her in her bed and it ending in her throwing up... so I gave up. I put her bouncy seat on her bed and put her in... but she wasn't having that either. Little girl new exactly what she wanted. As soon as I laid her next to me she was out.... it didn't last long at all. But we slept better together than not at all.

So that all to say that I hope to never see that week again! (except now Caidan has come down with this nastiness.............................. sigh!)

God did not give me

He did not give me the gift of house work. I am HORRIBLE at it. Every day I go to bed telling myself "Tomorrow I will be better, I will try to do one extra thing to help me get on track." HA! Then that day comes and goes and I didn't do one extra thing or even the things that needed to get done.

Right now I feel so overwhelmed with the daily task that even adding the "extra" stuff is always just a thought. I hate it... I absolutely hate it. But I can't figure out how to change it. I mean I know how to change it but I can't find the right steps to do it. I've tried calenders before and doing different things a day. I've tried doing laundry on certain days.... blah blah blah. But I never seem to stick with them. Which is why I am glad I have made 2012 the year to simplify.

I know what I want to come out of 2012 but I don't want to get to far into it and then disappoint myself. So I am just trying to take it one step at a time. And the first step is finding a new outlook on my life. I have to accept that I am not perfect. God gave me certain gifts and one of those was not cleaning up after myself or my family. I can't be embarrassed by the things that I am just not trying to work on. I want to change I really do. I REALLY DO. But I believe that there is more that I need to work on in myself- attitude, energy, patients (okay maybe not all my patients), control issues..... before I can begin on trying to change up the house. If you know what I mean.

I know that all sounds a little selfish but you know the saying "when momma ain't happy nobodies happy." Well I really believe that this house has been running on that saying for a while. And I need to change that. And here are a few things that I need to do to change that.

1. I am going to talk to my doctor about changing my medicine. The meds I was taking right after having Kynlee were amazing but it sees now that my body is getting back to normal and I am not nursing anymore those meds are not working like they were. And as much as I don't want to take meds I know deep down that right now and in this season I need them. And unfortunately I can not get in to see her till the middle of the month.

2. Although I despise schedules... I need one in my life right now. I am not going to try to put the family on a schedule at the moment (because well right now its not about them) I do want to work on my schedule. I would love to get up in the morning and start my day before the kids. Now I don't see this happening instantly because well I like to sleep (but that could all change after I do #1 also) but even if it means that I am awake when the kids get up in the morning I will take that right now. I need to find times in the day to accomplish daily things. And I also need to find time for me.

3. I want to set aside time to have with my kids. They are getting older now and can do more things. and I want to do more with them and have fun with them instead of feeling like I am always yelling. They need me and honestly I need them too.

4. Make a list of goals. Big or small- reachable or unreachable. I am not a dreamer at all. I have never really learned to dream. But I want to dream and start to accomplish little goals.

5. Spend regular time with God. I know how important this is I really do and often it is the one that gets pushed aside completely and forgotten. I want to get better at this and I want to start taking time during my day with Him.


I know that those might sound so little and easy but for me they seem BIG and HARD. I don't want to look back on 2012 and say wow that was such a depressing and boring year. I want to see change in my life. So if your the praying type feel free to pray for me while I try to work on myself.

Kynlees' 6 month check

I can not believe that my baby girl is 6 months. Where in the world does 6 months go??? I felt like six months in pregnancy took FOREVERRRRR. And these past 6 months have gone by so fast. :(

At 6 months Kynlee-

15lbs 12oz. She is in the 10th percentile for her weight. (she should be my little peanut!)
26 inches. She did grow a lot in the past two months. But on average the doc said she is about 25th percentile for height.
42 1/4 cm head. which she is still 75th percentile for her head! :)

(a little side note--- I measured Kloes' head after the nurse left and hers is 44cm!- so i am not sure if Kynlee just has an extremely large head or if her body just needs to start catching up with her head?? :))

She is a healthy little 6 month old. She is doing all that she should be doing.

She sleeps about 10 hours at night (thank you God for answering my prayers). She takes anywhere from 2-5 naps a day never more than an hour. She can roll both ways. She eats any fruits or vegetables. She loves to sleep on her belly. She loves to put anything and everything in her mouth (I am in trouble). Her most favorite thing in the world is her Jumparoo.

She really is more than I could have ever imagined! God gave me the best gift!! :)

Good Bye 2011

I feel like only one good thing came out of 2011... Kynlee... She was by far the only good thing that came from 2011. And honestly I am okay with that. That means I can always think of 2011 as the year Kynlee was born and the wonderful moments of that.

2011 was such a blur. Being pregnant half the year then dealing with the after effects of having a baby the rest of the year. I was looking back at my pictures on my phone the other day and forgot so many of those moments we have had. I don't have good pregnancies and although Kynlee's seemed to be the best- its still that feeling of being pregnant, large. uncomfortable, depressed.... you name it I probably dealt with it.

After I had Kynlee I feel like mentally I went down hill. I really believe that I was dealing with postpartum depression. I quickly (and thankfully) got on meds. Which did wonders for a while and then just seemed to not work. I feel like I had no energy to do anything. I wanted to sleep all the time. I thought the problem was my medicine, so I called my doc asking if we could up it. So we did. it felt like it help for a day and then back to the same old problems. And on top of that all the meds made me gain about ten pounds. Which really they need to come up with medicine that doesn't make you gain weight, because when you are depressed the last thing you want to happen is gain weight. (in my opinion.)

I am just not sure that I can say I learned anything from 2011. It was a whirlwind of a year and one that I am happy to have over.


There is a lot I want to accomplish in 2012 (but we will save that for another post). But her are some great memories from 2011.

Thanks 2011 for bringing Kynlee into this world.

First hair cut

I cut Kynlee's hair today... it was driving me INSANE! She looked like she had a mullet in the back... so I took it off. That's all... but holy cow it looks like a lot.

The other two kids both had their first hair cuts around the same age also. So it not surprising for my kids.

I wish I would have taken a picture but I was the only one here... and I was cutting.

The one thing I can never stand about babies hair is that it doesn't grow out the same. I remember with Kloe it took her hair forever to be all the same length. And it still isn't all the same. The back always seems to grow faster.... and then you have the top and sides which always seem to be at awkward lengths... I just can't wait for Kynlees hair to be grown out some! :)

Hello 2012

I can not believe that 2012 is already here. I am excited to see what 2012 has in store for us.

That is the one word that I want to describe 2012. I don't really know what it is going to look like or what is going to happen. But I am kind of excited about it. I know I really want to simplify our home life. I feel that we are beyond blessed with the things we need and what we want. Maybe we can slim all that stuff down.

I also want to simplify my life as a mother. I feel sometimes that its just go go go go go and Mom, Mom, Mom... I want to learn to simplify my job as a house wife, cook, mother and friend so all those things aren't overwhelming.

I really don't have a plan. I just know that I want to take one day at a time and see where we are at the end.

What's your 2012 ideas, goals???