Just some thoughts on my mind

Its so hard to get my thoughts down on paper sometimes... but when I do it feels so FREEING! I am going to try to write more about all these topics but here is what has been on my mind lately.

Financially this month just sucked a big fat ass... Chris works so hard to provide for our family and it seems like he is NEVER home and then when we have months (I pray to God we never have a month like this again) like we just had its frustrating. I have so much to say about this topic so there is another post coming but seriously living pay check to pay check just sucks!

I LOVE love LOVE my kids but lately I have been just feeling totally overwhelmed. I don't know if its the day to day things of house work, kids, kids, house work, kids.... but I have been in a total funk. I mean really bad funk. Some days I pray for the bedtime hour to come just so I can put them to bed so I can lay in bed and read a book or have a little quiet time. Again there is another post about this coming and I feel like I still have a lot of processing and praying and seeking about all my feelings. But a couple months ago Scott Hodge before he left for Thailand spoke about something that I don't remember what it was about but he gave an equation...

A couple months ago when he talked about it it didn't really resound with me... I kind of just thought, "well that probably makes sense!" This past weekend he spoke for the first time since being back and boy did it really mean something to me. Again another post another day... but that equation..... :)

I need more people in my life, more friends. I've probably said this before but my sisters are MY BEST FRIENDS in the whole world but they live 350 miles away... and we are all getting older and Betsy has a family and Sara is enjoying life.

 There is nothing wrong with any of this but they just can't be there for me all the time. So sometimes when I am trying to make friends its hard... because I want them to be like my sisters who I know and who are so honest and real with me. Plus I always find it difficult to have friends whose husbands have "regular" jobs (you know not work 24 hours at a time).

I feel like there needs to be change in my life. I need more structure in our lives. I need to re-recognize my purpose in life. I feel like this is a combination of all my thoughts lately. Things are about to change with Caidan going to school all day, Kloe going to preschool. I'm not sure what life is really going to look like. Lately I have felt like we need to have a schedule in our lives... but I hate schedules... HATE THEM. Maybe because I never follow through with schedules and then just feel horrible because I wasted all that time planning it and it just fails...

I tried not to make this post supper long because there are a lot of  "thoughts" in just one post. It really does help me to process things more.