The Good, the bad and the ugly...

I named this blog- The Good, the Bad and the Ugly for a reason. I don't need "fake" in my life. I want to be real to myself and to others. And I honestly don't care if people like it or not. I might not have a lot of money or I might not be the most happiest person in the world, or have the most well behaved kids, or the perfect body, or the right answers to anything but I do know that what I have is what I have and I can't change it. I'm either going to enjoy the good, the bad or the ugly or drive myself crazy trying to be that perfect person. 

I don't like fake people. I don't like people who pretend to put up a front for someone to like them. I really don't care if you don't like me. I will not try to be someone else for you to like me. I am who I am. I am overwhelmed on a regular basis, I wear black stretchy pants most days, I have a dirty house 90% of the time, I have more issues than I want to admit, I am totally insecure about myself, I am more concerned about what I think about myself more, I do things for myself and not for others (well unless its my kids or husband), I don't really care to be "green", I probably eat and let my kids eat too much junk food.... Seriously the list could go on and on... but that's who I am. The good, the bad and the ugly. 

I don't want to be someone that other people are jealous of because I "look" like I have it all put together. I am the last person on this planet that will ever have it put together.  Before I had Caidan I remember talking and reading books or blogs about the lives of other SAHM... it sounded SO great. And that was the problem... no one ever talked about the hard stuff... EVER! No one talked about the feelings of guilt you have as a parent... or the times you want to lock yourself in the closet... or how difficult it would be do to just get the little things done at home... (grant it not every one has two kids in 13 months... but I am not the only person out there). 

Yes I want to talk about the good moments, because as a mother I am so proud of those moments. Yes I want to talk about the bad times because those bad times remind me of the good times and remind me to try different things and learn from those bad times. And YES I want to talk about the ugly times because we all have those ugly times they make us human, they make us real. 

I love this quote....

So many times I forget to Thank God for any of it... even the beautiful moments. I am learning to enjoy all the moments in life because while they might not be glamorous all the time sometimes those are the moments that might bring joyous moments!  

Everyone should get to dream

Yesterday I was doing laundry, which I don't really mind the washing and drying part it the after that I like NOTHING about!

And then I started "dreaming" (because I really know that it will never EVER happen) this would be the one thing that if I could I would pay someone to do...laundry!

But then I thought "I really really hate dishes... I could stand folding and putting away laundry if someone just did my dirty dishes for me" (btw- we don't have a dishwasher- well we do, it's me!)

I thought this would be so fun to discuss. So if you let yourself dream for a moment... Let's dream that money doesn't matter... (because we all know that's so fun!!!) If you had to choose one thing that you do to pay someone else to do what would it be!?

Just some thoughts on my mind

Its so hard to get my thoughts down on paper sometimes... but when I do it feels so FREEING! I am going to try to write more about all these topics but here is what has been on my mind lately.

Financially this month just sucked a big fat ass... Chris works so hard to provide for our family and it seems like he is NEVER home and then when we have months (I pray to God we never have a month like this again) like we just had its frustrating. I have so much to say about this topic so there is another post coming but seriously living pay check to pay check just sucks!

I LOVE love LOVE my kids but lately I have been just feeling totally overwhelmed. I don't know if its the day to day things of house work, kids, kids, house work, kids.... but I have been in a total funk. I mean really bad funk. Some days I pray for the bedtime hour to come just so I can put them to bed so I can lay in bed and read a book or have a little quiet time. Again there is another post about this coming and I feel like I still have a lot of processing and praying and seeking about all my feelings. But a couple months ago Scott Hodge before he left for Thailand spoke about something that I don't remember what it was about but he gave an equation...

A couple months ago when he talked about it it didn't really resound with me... I kind of just thought, "well that probably makes sense!" This past weekend he spoke for the first time since being back and boy did it really mean something to me. Again another post another day... but that equation..... :)

I need more people in my life, more friends. I've probably said this before but my sisters are MY BEST FRIENDS in the whole world but they live 350 miles away... and we are all getting older and Betsy has a family and Sara is enjoying life.

 There is nothing wrong with any of this but they just can't be there for me all the time. So sometimes when I am trying to make friends its hard... because I want them to be like my sisters who I know and who are so honest and real with me. Plus I always find it difficult to have friends whose husbands have "regular" jobs (you know not work 24 hours at a time).

I feel like there needs to be change in my life. I need more structure in our lives. I need to re-recognize my purpose in life. I feel like this is a combination of all my thoughts lately. Things are about to change with Caidan going to school all day, Kloe going to preschool. I'm not sure what life is really going to look like. Lately I have felt like we need to have a schedule in our lives... but I hate schedules... HATE THEM. Maybe because I never follow through with schedules and then just feel horrible because I wasted all that time planning it and it just fails...

I tried not to make this post supper long because there are a lot of  "thoughts" in just one post. It really does help me to process things more.

Happy 5th birthday Caidan

Five years ago seems like a blink of an eye... five years from now seems like forever.

Caidan Alexander, 
You turn 5 today and you have been looking forward to this day since Christmas. Five years ago I got one of the greatest gifts EVER.. YOU! 


You are a great combination of your dad and I! You defiantly got your dads looks... (but I am pretty sure there is some of me in there too), you sometimes have my attitude... you have your smart assness from your dad (which you both think is funny)... you are strong... you are independent... determined... smart... lovable... grouchy... handsome... 


I couldn't have asked for a better son. I hope this next year you learn a lot. I know you are WAY too excited about school and I hope that you always stay excited. I hope you enjoy learning (but from the way Dad and I did I am giving in a 25% chance). 

Caidan, 
I pray this next year you don't let anyone destroy who you are. I hope that you stay Caidan and stick up for what you believe. I hope and pray that you know that Dad and I are always here to listen and support you. I pray that you continue to be that strong and independent boy. I pray that Dad and I can help you with anything that worries or scares you. Thank you for being one of the most WONDERFUL things in my life! 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY BOY! You will always be my baby boy!! :) 

Lets Be Honest CONTEST!

I really really LOVE Purex laundry detergent. And I am so excited that I am a part of Purex Insiders.


Purex created a few Let's Be Honest videos. The range from laundry to just being a mom. And they want to know which is my favorite and YOURS! And give you the chance to win a FREE bottle of laundry detergent. 

To watch the videos you can check them out here or here!

And my favorite "Let's Be Honest" video... drum roll.....

#8 Skinny Jeans


Some of the videos I could totally relate too and some I was just really confused... :)

So now you probably want to know how you could win a free bottle of laundry detergent from Purex. Well I will tell you. Purex has sent me 3 coupons for 3 lucky people.

Here is how to WIN:
1) Go here or here and watch the videos.
2) Leave me a comment with your favorite video.
3) Like, share or retweet your favorite. (make sure you leave a comment to let me know)

Contest ends at 9:07pm (central) on July 18th 2012 .

NOW Go watch the videos and report back here soon. :)