I love music. Sometimes I listen to the same song over and over and over and over and over.... You get it. And sometimes there are phrases or the whole song that speaks to me. And other times songs paint a very big picture for me and I have an "ah-ha" moment. And did I have one today.
I make excuses- sometimes truthful ones other times just plain lazy ones. Lately as I have been struggling a lot with my depression the one constant thing that I hear, or people suggest is, "having quiet time everyday." Now I am very aware that this means something completely different for everyone, but for me quiet time means having time praying, reading something that inspires me and gets my thoughts about life and God on the same path (for that time), and journaling.
Ever since having kids this has been the bottom on the to do list, which if you get what I am saying is it doesn't happen. I can literally count on two hands how many times I have done this in 6 years. I have made one excuse after another... And it needs to end. This time isn't just about me... It's about bettering me so that I am a better listener, comforter, helper, pray warrior, a better understanding when life reeks havoc, to have more patience.
So the other day I was sitting doing my bible study homework, and I always play pandora while I am having quiet time... I can pay attention better that way... But I have a station that I pretty much knew what was all on it. Sometimes it surprises me and it did. "Not for a moment" by Vertical Church Band came on. It sounded familiar to me, which I wasn't wrong, I had heard it at a conference this past September. On my way to therapy yesterday the song came on WBGL (christian radio station). My thought... "I need to listen to this because there is something I need to hear."
I downloaded the song when I got a chance that night. I listened to it last night about 5 times. On my way to my parents (6 hour drive) I listened to it over and over... Literally 1 hour before getting to my parents I got it.
Our God is always the same and has been since the beginning. He has always been right next to me... I have not always been right next to Him like I can say about Him. He is the one who speaks to me over and over again... I am the one who doesn't listen. When I am having a bad day who is there? God. When my world is not understandable who is still there? God. Who sees more than I do? God.
My favorite part of the song...
I was held in your arms carried for a 1000 miles to show
Not for a moment did you forsake me
Really if that doesn't mean anything to you then maybe you should re read it. Can you say that you would carry someone for a 1000 miles? Would you honestly? Honestly I don't know that I would or could. But God did and the best part, He still would. Over and over and over and over and over.... Because he will never forsake us not for a moment. Just the fact that he will never leave us... That should mean something to us all. Say it... "He will never leave me! He will never forsake me not for a moment!" Say it over and over to believe it. I took me hours to hear it to believe it.
Thank you Lord for being better than me. For being me with me in good times and bad. For holding me in your arms and carrying me 1000 miles. Thank you for still carrying me and for the times ahead that you will be carrying me. And for never stop loving me. For caring even when I didn't care.