Saturday, January 7, 2012

God did not give me

He did not give me the gift of house work. I am HORRIBLE at it. Every day I go to bed telling myself "Tomorrow I will be better, I will try to do one extra thing to help me get on track." HA! Then that day comes and goes and I didn't do one extra thing or even the things that needed to get done.

Right now I feel so overwhelmed with the daily task that even adding the "extra" stuff is always just a thought. I hate it... I absolutely hate it. But I can't figure out how to change it. I mean I know how to change it but I can't find the right steps to do it. I've tried calenders before and doing different things a day. I've tried doing laundry on certain days.... blah blah blah. But I never seem to stick with them. Which is why I am glad I have made 2012 the year to simplify.

I know what I want to come out of 2012 but I don't want to get to far into it and then disappoint myself. So I am just trying to take it one step at a time. And the first step is finding a new outlook on my life. I have to accept that I am not perfect. God gave me certain gifts and one of those was not cleaning up after myself or my family. I can't be embarrassed by the things that I am just not trying to work on. I want to change I really do. I REALLY DO. But I believe that there is more that I need to work on in myself- attitude, energy, patients (okay maybe not all my patients), control issues..... before I can begin on trying to change up the house. If you know what I mean.

I know that all sounds a little selfish but you know the saying "when momma ain't happy nobodies happy." Well I really believe that this house has been running on that saying for a while. And I need to change that. And here are a few things that I need to do to change that.

1. I am going to talk to my doctor about changing my medicine. The meds I was taking right after having Kynlee were amazing but it sees now that my body is getting back to normal and I am not nursing anymore those meds are not working like they were. And as much as I don't want to take meds I know deep down that right now and in this season I need them. And unfortunately I can not get in to see her till the middle of the month.

2. Although I despise schedules... I need one in my life right now. I am not going to try to put the family on a schedule at the moment (because well right now its not about them) I do want to work on my schedule. I would love to get up in the morning and start my day before the kids. Now I don't see this happening instantly because well I like to sleep (but that could all change after I do #1 also) but even if it means that I am awake when the kids get up in the morning I will take that right now. I need to find times in the day to accomplish daily things. And I also need to find time for me.

3. I want to set aside time to have with my kids. They are getting older now and can do more things. and I want to do more with them and have fun with them instead of feeling like I am always yelling. They need me and honestly I need them too.

4. Make a list of goals. Big or small- reachable or unreachable. I am not a dreamer at all. I have never really learned to dream. But I want to dream and start to accomplish little goals.

5. Spend regular time with God. I know how important this is I really do and often it is the one that gets pushed aside completely and forgotten. I want to get better at this and I want to start taking time during my day with Him.

I know that those might sound so little and easy but for me they seem BIG and HARD. I don't want to look back on 2012 and say wow that was such a depressing and boring year. I want to see change in my life. So if your the praying type feel free to pray for me while I try to work on myself.

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